Business Correspondence Critique

Below is a business correspondence letter requesting for payment (address is excluded):

Dear Mr. Davis

Outstanding Invoice

Our records show that you have an outstanding balance dating back to January, 2008. Your January invoice was for $445.00 and we have yet to receive this payment. Please find a copy of the invoice enclosed.

If this amount has already been paid, please disregard this notice. Otherwise, please forward us the amount owed in full by March 1st, 2008. As our contract indicates, we begin charging 5% interest for any outstanding balances after 30 days.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation. We hope to continue doing business with you in the future.

Yours sincerely,

Maria McPhee

Maria McPhee
Accountant

Enclosure: Invoice #223

Some comments and critiques about the letter above:

1. CONCISE but incomplete subject line
The sender used the least number of words to express the key message of the letter in the subject line. However, they should indicate what the invoice is about. The customer might have quite a number of accounts overdue and overlooked this payment. Thus, it is quite important for the sender to make it clear at the subject line.

2. From the language used in the letter above, it is quite CORRECT, COHERENT and COHESIVE generally. In order to make the transition between the sentences smoother, transition words like "In addition" can be inserted in front of the sentence - "please find a copy of invoice enclosed."

3. In terms of COMPLETENESS, the sender only indicated the outstanding balance of $445.00 but the detail of the invoice was not mentioned at all. Even though the corresponding invoice was enclosed to this letter, it is still necessary for the sender to include adequate information about the invoice in the letter above.

4. CONCRETENESS: It is remarkable that the sender stated clearly about the exact amount and the date of the outstanding balance. This concrete information provides the receiver a clearer picture of how outstanding the invoice is. Furthermore, the due date of the current outstanding balance and the interest charge for the next outstanding balance were indicated as well.

5. CLARITY: On the whole, the key message of the letter can be comprehended to a large extend. Better clarity is illustrated as the sender avoided the usage of lengthy sentences and paragraph. Moreover, emphasis is utilized within this letter by applying bolding on the important figures.

6. COURTESY: You-attitude is fairly adopted in the letter above. The receiver will show more willingness to respond to this letter if positive wordings and friendly tone are applied. For instance, "please forward us the amount owed in full by March 1st, 2008" could be rephrased as " we hope that you can kindly forward us the complete amount owed by March 1st, 2008." In addition, the sentence, "As our contract indicates, we begin charging 5% interest for any outstanding balances after 30 days." will sound rather courteous and more friendly if it is written as "5% interest charge could be waived if the outstanding balance is cleared within 30 days according to our contract." This is an alternative way to inform the customer about the benefits of settling the outstanding balance instead of the disadvantages for the late payment. Courtesy is utmost important in writing a business correspondence letter as it helps to build a healthy business relationship between the companies or the company and their customers.